Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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