I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
