and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
