i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
