i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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