Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My penis needs a shock collar
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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