sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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