my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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