i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
where am i from again
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
