She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
