need another drink. this is the easiest way
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.