God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM