WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.