youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
