I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
