i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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