Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I think I am morally bankrupt
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
She needs sedatives and a leash
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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