mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
