Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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