wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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