$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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