She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
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She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
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He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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