You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
