Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
