She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
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