party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
