I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
