are you still at the devil's house?
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Randomize
