do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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