Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
