This girl is more easily done than said...
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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