Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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