Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
