I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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