just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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