after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
