onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
worst night to have a conscience
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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