I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
