Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
