Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
