i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
