I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
