We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
