just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Randomize
