my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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