whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
farters have to be the big spoon...
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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