i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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