i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
