I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
