You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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