i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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