Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
