I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
