I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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