yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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