There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
