i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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