Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
