Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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