I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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