You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
