I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
