how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
