my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
