i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
