brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
