wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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