Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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