If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
