sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
